He shakes his head and stands up, stepping back from him. "Look, Huaisang. I don't - I don't know what you were thinking all this was. But it wasn't - courting or nothing."
He's not joking. He looks almost frightened. Nie Huaisang jumps to his feet, the bracelet and sachet temporarily forgotten.
"What do you mean? Friends don't hold hands or cuddle, Aaron!" But Aaron is scared, and so Huaisang keeps his distance. He raises his hands up as he speaks, but tries not to move them so fast or get into Aaron's space. He doesn't want him to run like a spooked deer. "It doesn't have to be so serious, okay? I'm not going to ask you to marry me or anything, but I love you, and I think you love me. I miss you when we're not together, I think of you all the time. How could it be anything else?"
Like all things that frighten him, Aaron gets angry about it. He narrows his eyes, balling his hands into fists.
No one cares about him. The people who do? Well, they want something from him.
He doesn't even think about shutting him out. He can't fathom what that would look like. He can't make himself turn off the feelings because they're so goddamn deep.
"Love you? I don't love you," he practically yells.
The words are like a dagger into his chest, but the raised voice makes him physically wince. Aaron is so much bigger than him, it’s like when Da-ge started getting angry and violent after the war.
It’s a measure of how wounded he actually is that he quietly blinks back the tears. His grief is for him, no one else.
“So it was just fucking, it didn’t mean anything at all to you?” He squares his jaw and drops the bracelet to the floor. “Fine. Then it won’t matter if I go out and find somebody else to sleep with, since we were never together in the first place.”
He won’t plead with him or debase himself. He’s going to do what he’s always done — act. Act like it means nothing at all.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2023-12-24 02:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-12-24 02:27 pm (UTC)He's not joking. He looks almost frightened. Nie Huaisang jumps to his feet, the bracelet and sachet temporarily forgotten.
"What do you mean? Friends don't hold hands or cuddle, Aaron!" But Aaron is scared, and so Huaisang keeps his distance. He raises his hands up as he speaks, but tries not to move them so fast or get into Aaron's space. He doesn't want him to run like a spooked deer. "It doesn't have to be so serious, okay? I'm not going to ask you to marry me or anything, but I love you, and I think you love me. I miss you when we're not together, I think of you all the time. How could it be anything else?"
no subject
Date: 2023-12-24 04:46 pm (UTC)No one cares about him. The people who do? Well, they want something from him.
He doesn't even think about shutting him out. He can't fathom what that would look like. He can't make himself turn off the feelings because they're so goddamn deep.
"Love you? I don't love you," he practically yells.
no subject
Date: 2023-12-24 05:14 pm (UTC)It’s a measure of how wounded he actually is that he quietly blinks back the tears. His grief is for him, no one else.
“So it was just fucking, it didn’t mean anything at all to you?” He squares his jaw and drops the bracelet to the floor. “Fine. Then it won’t matter if I go out and find somebody else to sleep with, since we were never together in the first place.”
He won’t plead with him or debase himself. He’s going to do what he’s always done — act. Act like it means nothing at all.
no subject
Date: 2023-12-24 07:58 pm (UTC)Because if he doesn't, he'll fly apart.
"Don't," he warns with a bitter laugh. "But look, I can tell it's a little awkward now. What with the...miscommunication. So - what if I just go?"
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Date: 2023-12-25 02:29 am (UTC)Nie Huaisang snorts and waves towards the door. “Door’s open. Get out. I don’t want to see you right now anyway.”
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Date: 2023-12-25 02:54 am (UTC)And once he gets back to his room, he'll find the talismans there. The ones that banish the darkness.
And Aaron cries.
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Date: 2023-12-25 03:32 am (UTC)Nie Huaisang looks down at the bracelet and then kicks it across the room in a huff. He feels like a complete fool.
And he’s heartbroken. Completely heartbroken and lovelorn.