It’s not as though Huaisang didn’t know Aaron was broken. Aaron, who screamed in the middle of the night and built himself a separate personality, was definitely fucked up beyond measure. But he thought — he thought they were fucked up together.
“I do,” he says softly, as though afraid to say it out loud. “I…I care so much about you. I’m not good at this either, at least being my true self without any walls.”
Aaron reaches out and moves Huaisang's hair back over his neck. "I ain't gonna hurt you. I mean...i aint gonna hurt you again. I hurt a couple of people the other day and that was - fucking exhausting."
They're usually not. In fact, they're both fairly meticulous about their plans and how they implement them, but everything about this had just been so impulsive.
He dresses in silence, making Aaron wait for him as he ties his robes and pins his hair behind a paper divider. When he steps out again he's put together again, though there's still a gauntness in his face.
Aaron pauses, hands in his pockets. "What do you mean sick?" he asks, cautious. There's a sinking feeling in his stomach, something that worries him immensely.
His answer comes out fast, as though even saying it out loud is physically painful. “He says he has cancer, and it’s killing him. The only reason he isn’t wasting away now is because of the Admiral’s magic.”
Huaisang finally raises his head and quickly wipes at his eyes. “I just found out. He wasn’t going to tell me, but his friend let the secret slip.”
He grabs Aaron’s hand and holds it like a lifeline. “He didn’t — he wasn’t going to until I graduated. He didn’t think…he just didn’t think.”
"It seems that way," Huaisang says quietly. "I understand the reasons why he kept it from me, it was for my redemption. He didn't want me to graduate solely for him, or feel guilty..."
He closes his eyes and lays his head onto Aaron's hand. "He just couldn't think outside of himself."
Well, if making your warden cry counts as telling him he was cruel, then he’s sure he got the message across.
“I did, in my own way.”
Thrashing around like an angry ferret probably counts.
“I don’t know what to do with myself now.” With his warden, with Aaron. He doesn’t know how to move forward without forgetting himself or his past.
"Yeah, it's been a real shitty week for you, huh? Uh, alright. So, when shit like this gets hard, I don't think too far ahead. Not yet, not until I can get my shit together. So just - try and take it a couple of minutes at a time. Like, what are you going to do for the next two minutes?"
It's actually not bad advice. Thinking about only two minutes in the future erases all the fears about the big things potentially waiting for him, and he feels himself very slowly relaxing.
"I'm going to sit here, and hope that you'll maybe sit next to me."
"Yeah, of course," he says. "I ain't got nowhere to be." He conveniently forgets that he had been on his way out the door. But he can stay. Shut off the rest of his brain that tells him he has feelings or that he's selfish or that he's still very, very hurt.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2023-12-30 02:13 pm (UTC)“I do,” he says softly, as though afraid to say it out loud. “I…I care so much about you. I’m not good at this either, at least being my true self without any walls.”
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Date: 2023-12-30 02:17 pm (UTC)He meets his face. "You still got my bracelet?"
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Date: 2023-12-30 03:23 pm (UTC)“Did you hurt people because of me?”
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Date: 2023-12-30 03:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-12-30 04:43 pm (UTC)“How many did you hurt?”
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Date: 2023-12-30 04:54 pm (UTC)"Why all the questions, huh. It don't matter."
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Date: 2023-12-30 07:58 pm (UTC)Aaron hurt two, but he'd potentially hurt...oh, it's an embarrassing amount.
Huaisang climbs to his feet and goes to find a decent set of robes to put on inside the ones he'd been sleeping in.
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Date: 2023-12-30 08:00 pm (UTC)He doesn't ask again about the people Huaisang slept with. He doesn't want to know.
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Date: 2023-12-30 08:06 pm (UTC)He dresses in silence, making Aaron wait for him as he ties his robes and pins his hair behind a paper divider. When he steps out again he's put together again, though there's still a gauntness in his face.
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Date: 2023-12-30 08:08 pm (UTC)"Feel better?"
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Date: 2023-12-30 11:16 pm (UTC)“I want to wait to give you the bracelet again,” he decides. “It might be better to start slow again and work our way back to where we were.”
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Date: 2023-12-30 11:37 pm (UTC)"Yeah. I get it. I came here acting like an idiot anyway. I'll see ya around."
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Date: 2023-12-30 11:49 pm (UTC)“Aaron,” he says quickly, voice finally breaking. “Aaron, my warden…he’s sick.”
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Date: 2023-12-30 11:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-12-31 12:19 am (UTC)Huaisang finally raises his head and quickly wipes at his eyes. “I just found out. He wasn’t going to tell me, but his friend let the secret slip.”
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Date: 2023-12-31 12:20 am (UTC)He steps forward automatically, wanting to comfort him, and places a hand on his arm instead.
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Date: 2023-12-31 01:01 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-12-31 01:14 am (UTC)It's a question, but he very much does not mean it as such.
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Date: 2023-12-31 01:37 am (UTC)He closes his eyes and lays his head onto Aaron's hand. "He just couldn't think outside of himself."
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Date: 2023-12-31 01:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-12-31 02:42 am (UTC)“I did, in my own way.”
Thrashing around like an angry ferret probably counts.
“I don’t know what to do with myself now.” With his warden, with Aaron. He doesn’t know how to move forward without forgetting himself or his past.
But Aaron understands that, he knows he does.
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Date: 2023-12-31 02:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-12-31 03:19 am (UTC)"I'm going to sit here, and hope that you'll maybe sit next to me."
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Date: 2023-12-31 03:20 am (UTC)Those things can wait.
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Date: 2023-12-31 04:13 am (UTC)He sits beside him quietly, leg touching his accidentally. He keeps it there, just letting them exist together for the next two minutes.
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